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How can I get the most out of counselling?

Choose your counsellor carefully. Once you have selected your counsellor, make a commitment to your counselling and build the relationship with the counsellor.

The relationship between the counsellor and client is the main thing which influences the outcome of counselling.

Follow the suggestions here to give your counselling process the best chance of success.

Find a counsellor you have confidence in

What type of person is suitable for you?

Consider the type of person you are and what you think is important in feeling comfortable, eg.

  • age of the counsellor
  • male/female preference?
  • if it is a parenting related concern, do you want your counsellor to be a parent or a step-parent?
  • are there other personal qualities which you think are important for you?


While personal characteristics may influence your selection of a counsellor, be aware that some may not have much relevance to your counselling experience. Research indicates that the relationship that develops between the counsellor and client is the main thing which influences the outcome – more than any other factor.

What are their professional qualifications?

A social worker, psychologist, etc will be eligible for membership of AASW, APS or a recognised counselling organisation such as ACA.

Do you have confidence in the counsellor?

  • Do they provide information on Privacy and Confidentiality, either verbally or in printed form?
  • Are they happy to provide you with information about their professional background?
  • Does the counsellor convey confidence, empathy and skill to you?
  • Does the counsellor use any particular style or type of counselling? Can they explain it in simple, clear terms?

Make a commitment to your counselling

  • Decide that you will give it some time
  • Attend regularly at the intervals you agree upon
  • Ring well before the appointment to cancel or reschedule
  • Be ready to work hard

Build the relationship with your counsellor

  • Be honest – the relationship relies on it
  • Be open – don’t hold important information back

Have patience with the process

  • What are your goals? It’s important to be aware of them and also to realise they may change.
  • What do you want from counselling? Try to be specific. “I want to be happy and fulfilled” is a tall order – what does that actually mean? If it is too difficult to tease out, it can be part of the therapy.

Consider the type of counselling you might want

  • Supportive
  • Feedback, information & advice
  • Problem specific
  • Intensive
  • Single session/Short/Medium/Long term

General points

  • Reflect on the process – You may find it useful to keep a journal, or to write down important insights or thoughts during or following a session. Consider bringing notes to sessions if you wish.
  • Walk the talk – Do what you or the counsellor think would be useful between sessions.
  • Give yourself time – Give yourself permission to cry and allow yourself time to calm down before you have to be somewhere else. Don’t book a session right before going somewhere that you will feel self-conscious about, if it looks like you’ve been crying!!

    In addition, it is important to allow time to calm down if it has been an emotional session, so that you are driving safely and aware of your surroundings.

  • Ask the questions that you would like to – Let the counsellor know if you want to talk about specific things in a session.
  • Trust the process – Counselling takes time and insights can come gradually. Be ready to be patient and learn.
  • Give yourself space – Try to avoid bringing toddlers or older children to sessions. It is inhibiting to have your children with you during a session, and inappropriate for children to hear adult material.
  • Keep your counselling private – Don’t dissect the sessions with partners, mothers or friends! Accept that you have the right to keep this private, and that anyone not present cannot fully understand why the counsellor may have said certain things.
  • Don’t rush the session – Don’t try to squeeze new information into the last few minutes of a session. It will not give the counsellor time to respond and you will end the session feeling rushed. If it is important, either speak about it earlier or ask the counsellor to make a note that you would like to discuss it next time.
  • Take ownership – Think about how the session went and any new insights between appointments. Let your counsellor know how you are finding it. Speak about any concerns. What is helpful/unhelpful?
  • Be willing to be challenged at times.

At the conclusion of counselling

Discuss it with the counsellor and have a concluding session if possible.